“Early on I fell in love with the Dragon Lady from Terry and the Pirates. She feared no one. She was impervious to all attacks. I thought, oh, that’s the way to be. Wouldn’t that be nice, if I could be like that, but I had hair like wet spaghetti, crooked teeth, moles all over my face, I was scrawny, my skin was yellow. I was ashamed of myself. I thought I was a useless slob. How dare I, how dare I relate to this magnificent creature who controlled all that she viewed. Well, yeah, I could play make believe, right? How kids do. And that was sort of the beginning of Vampira.”

Not five minutes into Vampira: The Movie, a documentary on the queen of horror hosts, and I’m confounded that I never made the connection.